Is It Burnout or Something Heavier? Checking In With Yourself and Reaching Care

You are used to keeping things running. The job, the bills, the kids, the schedule, the family member who calls with a crisis. You notice when a child is off or when a friend seems sad. You are often the last person you check on.

When work and money pressure pile up, it is easy to tell yourself you are just tired. Often that is true. But sometimes exhaustion turns into depression, and depression can bring a hopelessness that clouds your judgment about your own life.

Taking a few honest minutes to check in with yourself is not indulgent. It can be the first step toward getting the care you need.

Questions worth asking yourself

Try to answer these as truthfully as you would want a friend to answer them:

• When I get a real break, even a day or two, do I feel any relief?
• Have I lost interest in things I used to enjoy, for more than a couple of weeks?
• Has my sleep or appetite changed in a big way?
• Do I feel worthless, or like I am failing everyone, most of the time?
• Have I pulled away from people who care about me?
• Do I feel trapped, like there is no way out of my situation?
• Have I had thoughts that others would be better off without me, or thoughts of suicide?

Burnout usually eases at least somewhat with rest and support. Depression tends to hang on even when the pressure lets up, and it can color everything with a sense of hopelessness.

If you answered yes to several of these, especially the last two, it is time to reach out. Thoughts of suicide are a sign of serious pain, not weakness, and they deserve care right away.

Why women often wait

Many women put off getting help because there never seems to be time. Appointments mean missed work or arranging childcare. Money is already tight. There may be a fear of being judged as unable to cope, especially at work.

Some women also believe they should be able to handle it on their own. They have handled everything else, after all. But depression is a health condition, not a test of character. It often does not lift through effort alone.

Taking the first step toward care

Reaching care can feel overwhelming, so it helps to break it into small steps.

Tell one person. Choose a friend, partner, relative or coworker you trust and tell them honestly how you have been feeling. Saying it out loud can ease some of the weight and gives someone a chance to help.

Make one appointment. A primary care provider is often a good starting point. Tell them plainly that your mood has changed, how long it has been going on and what is happening with work and money. They can screen for depression and help you find next steps.

Look at what your workplace offers. Many employers have an employee assistance program with free, confidential counseling sessions. Human resources can explain how it works without needing details.

Find lower cost options. Community health centers and many counselors offer sliding scale fees. Local mental health organizations can help you find services near you.

Ease one practical pressure. If debt or job worries are driving your stress, a nonprofit credit counselor or community assistance office may help you sort through choices. Taking one step on the money side can make room to focus on your health.

If things feel urgent

If you are thinking about suicide, or feel you might not be able to keep yourself safe, do not wait for a scheduled appointment. Call or text 988 any time, day or night, to talk with someone trained to help. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

You can also reach out to someone you trust and ask them to stay with you while you make the call.

You spend so much of your life looking out for others. Turning that same care toward yourself is not selfish. It is a necessary part of carrying everything you carry, and you deserve that care as much as anyone you look after.

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time. In an emergency, call 911.