After the Layoff: How Losing a Job Can Shake a Woman's Sense of Self
A lost job can take away income, routine and identity in a single day. Here is how to notice when grief over work deepens into depression, and how to reach care.
Sometimes it comes in a short meeting. Sometimes it is an email or a phone call. Either way, the message is the same: the job is gone.
For many women, losing a job is not only about money, though the money matters enormously. Work often provides structure, friendships, a sense of competence and a place in the world. When it disappears, all of that can go with it.
The days after a layoff can bring shock, anger, embarrassment and fear. Those reactions are normal. But for some women, the weeks that follow bring a deeper slide into exhaustion, depression and hopelessness.
More than a paycheck
A woman who has lost her job may be facing several pressures at once. Rent or a mortgage still needs to be paid. Children still need clothes and school supplies. Health insurance may be ending. She may be supporting other family members, too.
At the same time, she may feel she has lost part of her identity. If she was the nurse, the manager, the reliable one, she may now feel invisible. Job searching can bring rejection after rejection, and each one can chip away at her confidence.
Many women also hide a layoff from friends or extended family out of embarrassment. That silence can leave her carrying the fear alone.
When grief becomes something more
It is natural to grieve a job. That grief usually comes in waves, with better days mixed in. Depression tends to be more constant and more consuming.
Signs that a woman's distress has deepened may include:
- Staying in bed most of the day, or being unable to sleep at all
- Losing interest in the job search, friends and activities she once enjoyed
- Feeling worthless, or like a failure to her family
- Pulling away from people and avoiding calls
- Talking about being a burden or about having no future
- Thoughts of suicide, whether passing or persistent
When the future looks empty, thoughts of suicide can creep in. They are a sign of how much pain she is in, not a reflection of her worth. They call for support and care right away.
Reaching out to a former coworker or friend
When someone loses a job, coworkers who stayed may feel awkward reaching out. Friends may not know what to say. But silence can feel like abandonment to someone who is already struggling.
A simple message saying you are thinking about her can matter. If you are able, meet in person or call. Ask how she is really doing, beyond the job search. Listen without rushing to offer leads or advice.
If she sounds hopeless, ask her directly whether she is thinking about suicide. It can feel uncomfortable, but asking plainly does not plant the idea. It lets her know you are not afraid of her honest answer.
If she says yes, stay with her and help her reach care. You can call or text 988 together, or help her contact a doctor or counselor. If she is in immediate danger, call 911.
Caring for yourself after a job loss
If you have lost your job and recognize yourself here, please know that what happened to your employment is not the sum of who you are.
Try to keep some structure in your days: a regular wake time, a walk, a set time for job searching and a set time to stop. Stay in touch with at least one person who knows the full story. Make an appointment with a primary care provider or mental health professional and tell them about both the job loss and the changes in your mood.
If you are losing health coverage, ask about options before it ends, and look into community health centers or sliding scale counseling. Your former employer may offer counseling through an assistance program for a period after separation, so it is worth asking.
On the money side, unemployment offices, community assistance programs and nonprofit financial counselors can help you sort through the next steps. You do not have to work it all out alone.
Losing a job can shake the ground under your feet. Reaching for support is one way to find your footing again.
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time. In an emergency, call 911.